I also updated our blog. I've written all my feelings already. I really hope you would go read it.

I should get my blog set to private soon as too many extras are reading or maybe they wanna curse me this is what I deserve? Whatever you all gonna say cause I don't give a damn.
Ytd went to aokk house sleep while waiting for him to back home. After that something happened because he ain't treating me like how he treated me. End up he told me that his feeling for me had started to fade away. But I ain't stupid too. I already knew this would come that's why I putting so much effort to change now. I tried to send those guailan msg how I used to be. But you didn't care. I tried to send those sweet msg and you didn't care too. End up you told me because you saw my msg jitiao sian diao. Have you ever thought of my feeling when you said this to me? Do you know that my heart is dying inside? I don't want you to hungry so I work. I lied that I earn 30 but its fake. Cause I earned less then that during that day. I only ate bread so I would have extra cash to give you. I would do this is just that I want you to concern me more. But you didn't seems to appreciate it as well. I know why your feeling has faded for me. It's my fault too. But why I would become like this? Because you lied to me several times and used alot of words to hurt me. I also wanted to being like last time badly. Where I could receive your msg say you miss me. Where you call me your cute pig. It's been month and you never called me that anymore. Yes I did wanted to break badly but I just can't. I don't want to throw you alone when you need someone to help you. You said I'm selfish and never though of your feeling I can admit. But did you do ever though of my feeling too? I tried to change but did you change for me too? You never. Im useless to you right now. That's why you break with me also don't feel a single pain or even I sacrifices my salary to you, you also treat it as nothing. I don't want you to pay me back my money or whatever. I just want you to treat me like last time. How you used to called me every night that's all. I don't ask for much seriously. Today I tried to being nice again and you ignored again. Do you know how much it hurts? I really feeling like end this relationship ASAP you know? But I just can't. I really can't. Cause I would always remember how you pamper me last time. If you're feeling just keep on fading then just break totally. I dont want to block you finding another better girls. I suffer will do. God is really unfair to me... I'm crying badly silently...

Sch had reopen for about 2 weeks and im late for... ALL 2 WEEKS! LOL! Sorry sep nid you help me take my book yet i didn't make it on time :( Today damn jialat, sch starts at 10am and i wake up at 8am. Then i still spends lots of time surfing net till about 8.30 then go change my clothes and dry my hair. 9am i still at kitchen enjoying my lays. LOLOL! I keep on 'enjoy' and forgotten about my mock test at 10. So didn't make it on time. FML LAH! I promise i try not to late anymore! Grrrrr! Make my gpa lesser siols! Pekcek alrdy :@ After sch go find buibui. Shared with him a plate of rice then i say "You've gain fat. Time to exercise after your op liaos. Cause your body shaggy le :x" He jitiao say he want go gym. Joker, so accompanied him and his kor friends to gym. Damn funny when they play with the vibrate thingy machine. Each of them put it to maximum speed then stand. LOL!! End up they cnt get down from that machine siols! Too numb, can't feel anything. Haha, then they played with some equips etcs. Saw smthing i hated so quarrel with him on the spot. Then you promised me that you only love me. But i really hoped you would really do what you say. I somehow glad that you know 1 thing that i say ^^v. Alrights shan't post too much. My bladder gonna burst :(

&&&& help me click on this advertisment below!

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Didn't blog for a period cause i was sick. I also don't know what exactly im suffered. LOL! Just kept on vomiting these few days. Mon vomit, thur vomit and today. I vomited because of gastric and i vomited out also cause gastric. Damn stupid want lah! Shall stop posting those unhappy stuff le. I've cried for 2weeks and my eye had swollon and it hurts seriously! :"( Afterall he still needs me. School had reopen for about a week. Saw alot of those ex office student had promoted to higher nitec. AWWWWWW! Freaking envy hope i can too :3 I try to summaries what had happen within these few days ^^.

Monday :

Things had turn better! Happy gurl le ^^v. Went to sch without sep :( Sob kinda miss joking around with her. Tgt with huishan and kally study study! When to his house and quarrel... =.= Don't wish to say. First day vomited since march.

Tuesday :

Try to be nice alrdy but received heartbreaking msg makes me wanna die when im half way on sch. So decided to skip sch once i reached serangoon mrt. Eddy and sep accompany me thru those sad moment. Thanks brother and sister :) Sat down at one of the void deck crying alone while listening to songs. Till then both sony and samsung hp low batt and its time for me to go home. Buttttttttt! The most creepy part is! While i walked past a void deck , there is a ahpek drinking beer alone and smiling at me. Okok it does seems "kinda normal" and guess what i noticed? HIS EYE KEPT ON STARING ON MY BUTT!!! WTF IS FREAKING SUAY ALRDY!!! Good thing is, he nvr stalk me :3 While i walked half way near bus stop, i heard a guy keep on calling 'mei nu' but where the hell is the 'meinu' while i am the one who is only at the path way? Sense smth's wrong so took out mirror to check. SAW A UNCLE BEHIND STALKING ME!!! FML!!!!! Just now that not enuf still got second round =.= tried walk fast and he walk even faster. I walked out of the void deck and take the path which is near the road. Saw his face and he just RIGHT BESIDE WAVING HAND WITH HIS CIGG AT ME!!! I swear he definitely waving at me!!! With that creepy smiling face again! He just kept on following me where ever i go. I called aaron for help. But he scolded me for not listening to him for not going home. Is like abit unreasonable lah, i stayed at there still because of who? So i took a U turn back and that guy also did the SAME!!! OMGGGGG!!! I run as fast as i could to get away from him. Yay, managed to lost him. Aaron kip on scolding me. LOL! ( I now then realised why he did this. Because he cared me ^^V Happy happy ) Took a long route back home. Actually wanted to drink and smoke thru these unhappy moment but i decided not. Im a GOODGIRL! LOL! Aaron called and joke about that tikopek thing. Wtf lah, i scared like kns yet he still xin zai le huo. After that called zhenzhen to chat. Etcetc.

Wednesday :

Back to sch and notified that my CSV result i scored 92/100. YIPPPPEEEE!!!! A SIOLS! Damn freaking happy! So as my OSA revision test i also score 92/100 too! ^^V. Happy happy. So went to his home. Etcetc. Finally im sick and eye shown some irritation due to 2weeks of sobbing.

Thursday :

Went to sch without my contact len!!! ARGGHHHH ITS SO FREAKING UGLY!!!! After sch mit up with mei at point. From dizzling to heavy rain once i reached hougang. So a auntie sent me across the road to point. Woohoo my saviour! And i also saw you. I bet you alrdy know that i hated you. Don't you dare give me attitude or what. Think thru what you ownself had done wrong. Had KFC with mei and then shop around for my white eyeliner. Siannnssss all so expensive dehhs =.= On the way back home my mei and i saw this indian couple sitting at void deck leaning each other. Yup, its common but the weirdest is! Why is the girl's hand kept on shaking nonstop at the place i supposly to be the guy's penis? Both of their eye were very engrossed with the thing that the girl is shaking. They were damn freaking shocked to saw us walked past. WTF?! Masturbating at public during at noon? DISGUSTED! WHAT'S WRONG WITH PPL NOWADAYS? Back home and vomited out everything i had ate earlier. Ton night because of him. At 12am i couldn't slp so decided to use com so he pei me chat till 4+ till i slp.

Friday :

Only slept for 1+hr then rushed down to sch. During pe i saw that so called josephine. LOL!! Eeew. Took the same bus with him <3 After sch headed down to mall at mit up with mummy they all. Had lunch at there and borrowed my fav book again! <3 Vomited again at there. What's wrong with my stomach uh? Also bought concession for both bus and mrt. I also noticed that sg ahpek lack of love is it? like so desperate for sex. Keep on spying girl's underneath. DISGUSTED! Didn't have any appetites after that. Didn't know my jetjet hp can sold for 90 bucks wor!!! GREAT DEAL MAN! Planning to sell away. I didn't take any nap yet freaking tired now.

How i really wish someone is there for me, to cheer for me when im sad, tell me what to do next and a friend whom can be rely on. I also wish that i could know what he is thinking exactly. I really don't want to play anymore. Im tired of crying alone... Ytd nite he say let's patch back after i say im not going to ask for patch anymore. Then say all these is april fool prank. Morning still msg me pig weather very hot drink more water. Now he say don't let other mistaken us and say april fool so long ago le. So he is telling me whatever he ytd say is fake? That msg also fake? I really don't want to play anymore. Do you know your words really hurts? What for make me happy half a day then say its fake? I really don't know what to do anymore... Don't have the mood go sch anymore... Wanted to quit sch badly...

Yippeee~ Finally hp can connected to com ^_^ Shall upload some random pic ~ I kinda miss my strawberry nails :"(

The proudest result i ever get =.=

Today rather early blogging. Cause my mood was totally ruined. Im desperate, im sad, im frustrated, im emo-ing, i felt like crying and i don't know what to do exactly. Im alone here. Nobody knows how i feels. You know the feeling? The pain within me is unspeakable. These few days thought things would be back as usual like how we used to be. But i was wrong. Yes, no matter how hard i tried or how hard i tried to ment back nothing is gonna change i don't wanna to end this 1yr plus relationship which i had put my whole heart in it. Called him at afternoon. All his answers are remains as friend and ask me find other guy. But have you ever thought of my feeling? If i don't love you, i would alrdy find other guy like no matter what. I admit its my mistake to say break and you've tired of all these. If you say you know how girls feel all that you should know usually girls say break is merely a speech of anger they don't mean it. Why would i say so? Because you've done smth that hurts me. I know guys will eventually flirts around but can don't do it where i can see? I angry because i care. I worried that 1 day you would go stead with them and left me alone. Is not that i don't trust you seriously. Is i had been dumped by lots of guys... I hated the feeling being alone. Crying. I hated the way that you answered we remains as friend. It hurts me totally. If you choosed to remains as friend why bothered to ask me go to your house you put your arm over my shoulder and asked me to kiss you? I don't like you giving fake hope. And i hated when you asked me go to your house and remain a distance because we're friend. You know how much it hurts? Before that we're that close and now we need a distance apart... I know my words hurts you completely. But what about yours? It hurts me more. You keep on asking me go stead with yc. I and him is IMPOSSIBLE. Because ONCE HE HURT ME. I don't like him too. I admit that i nvr kept my promises neither you do. I promised that i would change but nobody teaching me how. Now i know everything and you're not giving me any chances. I seriously don't know what you really wanted... I wanted everything to be normal like how we used to be. But what i did seems not working...

Ytd night didn't really sleep well because of 胡冠群lah! Say what will call me after awhile yet he forget about it!! And made me waited him for 3hr!! =.= Now neck muscle pain x.x Poor neck :"( Today cabbed down to kk hospital for checkup. Omyomy first time went to see doctor alone!! Usually i would scared the outcome is negative. LOLS!! Consulted the doctor and had my pregnancy test. So the result is YUP! IM PREGNANT THAT'S WHY I GO KKH!!!! OMGGGG!!!! fake! Haha! Went to buibui's home to play. I don't know what exactly happened to him uh? Make me cry and make me laugh like mad. SIAO UH? Then he said that i wear like prostitute. Really meh? Kind of >.< So back home~ Suddenly feel like taking pictures~ BUT HP SPOIL!! FML =.= And currently webcaming with buibui!! Damn happy that he wear the ring can alrdy :3

Btw through these days i've learn alot about guys. For me is alot im not sure about others. If anybody knows more do give me some advices wor! ^_^ And these are the 10points about guys. Tell me if im wrong :)

• Guys hate their gf say break when they quarrel.


• Guys tends to flirt around but in the end they still love their own gf.


• Guys hate their gf don't trust them (check HP!)


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  Guys preferred to say i love you then apologise. Cause mostly is the girl apologise what!


• 
  
  Guys likes to show off right infront of girls and others just to show how capable are they ._.


• 
  
  Guys likes their gf "sa jiao" at them. LOL , like tikopek >.<


• 
  
  Guys have very strong pride of themselves. (For what?)


• Guys are like girls, they like to surrounded with girls woo-ing after them. Just to make them popular.


• When guys promises you smth mostly it won't happen. Unless smth which is important, those minor they will forget so girls should not take it sooo freaking seriously like me!


• When guys say they love you out of no where. They really does! :D

Saw my formspring and what sherlyn asked me is 'Where do you think is the most romantic place to propose? And i answered 'During sunset at the beach with heart drawn or inside the ferries wheel during night time !' Hmm? Let's see!

LIKE FREAKING ROMANTIC!!!! :3

For singapore flyers at night inner view i can't find much :"(

Anddddd there's 3rd places i wanted too! Suddenly im addicted to SUNFLOWER!!!

DAMN ROMANTIC I TELL YOU! Hahaha! Damn happy that my google adsense had approved ^_^ Rmb to click on those ads! Alrights shall end here :)

Been through these tough few days and make me realised something. Life is cruel, each people have their feeling, personal space and limited endurance. I think i expected too much? I always though that im right to control my bf tightly since he's mine. Hah, kinda naive thinking. As i nvr been a relationship before except this. Had been thinking lately... Within my mind its always that so perfect living inside the fantasise.. I should stop it right? Its like what's wrong with people around me recently? Do you all hate me that much? When im quarrel with aaron, i wanted to find you to give me advice. But what advice will you mostly give? Those negative ones cause you don't like me being with him. Still abit weird without you all since i've tgt with you all for few years and nearby areas friends. Shall put this friendship aside first cause you all nvr cherished this friendship. I've trying very hard to mix well with you all but it doesn't seems working. Forget it.. As for my parents, they're getting too much. Ever since i failed my N lvl and when to ite, they had giving me attitude. Like, going to ite study is it a crime? They felt me going to ite is such a DISGRACE! OMG, who teach them this uh? They controlled me every sec. Even i came back home they would be awake and waiting for me just to questioning me. Today i've lie to them that i went out to sentosa with class. Know what my mama said? Better stop going with your class and stop participating in class outing. WTF , seriously its too much. I dye hair she also complaint. Hey, its my hair and session head also nvr catch me after that than why am i not allowed to dye? Is like she very bu shuang with me. Bitch lah! She say i pengwei because i keep coming home late as i've promise her i would come home early when i start sch at ite. What about her? She's the one who pengwei first! Said what, after i graduate from secondary and im allowed to have stead. Yet she's spying me using any method! Cb lah, damn buey tarhan of her le. Now is holiday and she keep on chasing me to work. But i also can't find a job what! Know what she told me? Go mac work lah or NTUC also can. Faster go work and cnt use bank money. Wtf, i previously work and those pays i can't even use? Damn unreasonable ley. Since primary sch i had my PSLE and failed her expectation so she's giving me attitude. FML, she diao me and giving those gloomy faces cause i can't make it to express. I scored 171 NA. Now i've failed N lvl just by 1 mark then she damn buey song with me. 3weeks holiday she only give me about 70 or 80 can't rmb. Including food expenses, transport and outing and weekends. Whatever i wear, she would criticize me RIGHT INFRONT OF EVERYONE. Casual wear wasn't a short with a plain tee? I can't. She expected me to wear everything LONG. Yeah, im not like those clever type. But must you lidat treat me? Mei and me have thinking of moving house when we gets abit older. Alright shall stop posting about those negative ones. Lets move on!!! ^_^

Today cooked for buibui as usual but this time i had to learn how to cook cheese toufu!! As i nvr cook that before @.@ Did manage to cook very well and i eat is just cooked and its sizzling hot!!! So it will be very nice but by the time i bought for him it's alrdy cold so it didn't taste that nice? :( Haiis sad lah! Watched anime awhile so headed to sch for his scholarship thingy. Grats, i nvr get it before =.= Blahblahblah, so accompany him go for hair cut!! Actually i only say that i want to dye hair but nvr say at salon dye dehhs... So dye my hair and realised that the colour is abit darker then my previous hair.. LOL! Nvm lah go for mature theme :D *Puke* Wait for my hair to done is like from afternoon till night. Its not exaggerate is the truth. Haha! Had cup noodle for dinner. Kinda cool but i had been eating noodle these few days... :s Then headed home..

I swear im gonna bring my nail lotion whenever i go! MY NAIL KIP ON CRACKING!! I know it's my irregular diet caused but i can't prevent what? Haha, gonna go. BYE! :)

I don't even know what should i do now? The day before is april fool and had quarrel with buibui till we broke up... I really hold on my tears till the end... I felt damn tired alrdy and wanted to rest for it.. But there's some reason that i don't wanna let go.. My heart totally cracked when you replied my question sooo directly... So consulted eastella for advices. Wow, didn't really know she's much pro then me in knowledge for guys. Should consult her for advice earlier!!! Chatted with her almost for the whole night. Great that i still have her :) She asked me to send mushy msg to him. But i fear that it might not worked, so i didn't dare to sent. Well it's my first time typing those kind of msg too! She said its my fault too for taking too granded on this realationship. Yup, i can agreed and aaron you also take it for granded hor!! My case is i like to ask for break when im pissed off or i don't understand the situation clearly then misjudge the situation. Then his case is used me to giving in for him and keep on breaking promises. From what i know, guys don't apologise to girls instead they use sweet talk to soften a girl's heart. (It can be sweet sometimes!) For girls is a rather shy type. They preferred to apologise more then guys do! Guys don't let their pride down easily as they wanna show how "strong" they're. I've learned that guys like to surrounded by girls and must be feel like alot of girls is falling crazy over them. OMG, its kinda sick for me :3 Haha! No offences seriously >.< He didn't reply me.. So i burst out. Crying hard in silent.. Eastella is trying her best to comfort me. Thanks sister <3 I asked her whether should i call aaron first or he call me first. Her reply was him. After i done brushing teeth , i saw a missed call from him. I was damn freaking happy. I swear i could jump up superb high siols! I stopped crying immediately. Perhaps eastella was right. We didn't build our foundation well. Which cause us keep quarreling. We shall understand each other more right? Just realised we've been tgt for 1yr plus yet i didn't know all of these. Felt kinda pathetic and a failure to be your gf siols.. But i've decided to make an effort to know more about guys and control my "missy attitude" bahhs.

Ytd went to your home. I didn't dare to say anything. I fear that your respond will not be what i wanted... So i kept quiet all the time and kept on crying... After awhile we managed to be normal how we used to be, playing, hugging etc... After when you send me home, i sent you a msg: what kind of relationship are we now? You reply: don't tell ya. I was kind of excited that hoping everything will be fine.. Till just now. You are words hurt me to the max. You said that we be best friend now on... Its like telling me that whatever i wanted to change or trying to improve and its gone now? It hurts seriously... My mind has alrdy given up but my heart still holding on this relationship tightly and i don't know why. Cause i believe that you'll take care of me rest of my life that's why i keep on holding and whenever you need help i'll try to be the first to help you.....

Had been busying searching for my makeup stuff. What I've aim are only found in japan! How pro am i? Including all those shipping fee will be costing like a bomb. SHAGSHAGSHAG!! Forget it... Shall starting on saving :"( I kept on wondering how did i managed to save up to 100+ when I'm sec within a month! Kinda amazed when i rmb how "rich" i were back then. LOL , joke. I spend all my money on @cash instead for my ownself. So zai @.@ Haha, shall move on bahhs...

Today went to buibui's home with 3boxs of packed food. I self invented kfc chill tomato hotdog!! It supposingly should be tomato sauces no choice home run out of tomato... New invention with certified by AARON OH!! So happy that he say '只要是我的老婆煮的都好吃'. HAHAHA!! Of course abit 暗爽 lah. Mircale that he played with me the whole time ^_^ Why suddenly so sweet huh? Im still the best right? :3 Watched jackass 3 till around 7+ then went down buy chocolate orea!! Our all time fav! :) Till there i can't remember what he said that pissed me off. I alrdy quite pissed off with what the person said and he still pour oil in to it grats. =.= Nvm, since i've cool down... I believe that karma will strikes on that person mouth! Aahahaha! I felt like chopping off your head then place in above my bed as decoration. Woohoo! Head collection booth. I LOV'IN IT! ^_^

Eastella teach me not to kill brain cells on them. Okay , shall listen to her. Goodgirl94 :)

Back then realized that my STRAWBERRY NAIL IS CRACKED. FML!!! I used the whole midnight then paint ley!! Needa change again... SIANNNNNZZZ ... Nvm shall end post here :)